Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
