if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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