is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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