He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This beer is not sobering me up at all
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
