The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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