So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
