i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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