Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
