They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Couch. On fire.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
