Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
