Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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