??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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