its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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