Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
