I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
