awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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