just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
