The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
