It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
