While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
