were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
