I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
