Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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