I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude. I can hear the air.
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