i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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