I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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