Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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