You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
