I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
