I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
