You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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