also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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