I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
