Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
