sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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