I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
