I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So. Much. Porn.
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