chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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