quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
