fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
