I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
