he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
