guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The air taste purple.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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