she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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