This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
