TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
