Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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