So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
