I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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