we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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