well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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