guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
