i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
