we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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