Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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